I must write about an email interaction I had recently with a member of our community. This individual identified himself as a local clergyman. I received several similar emails within about a 48 hour time period, all of which said approximately the same thing: keep Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) out of our middle schools. I am far, far from a clergyman, but because this gentleman identified himself as one, and because I attended a Christian High School, two Christian Colleges, taught Social Studies and a variety of Biblical courses at two Christian High Schools (Old Testament, New Testament, Romans, and Colossians), and have even done some lay preaching, I cannot let go of some of what was written because it is, in my view, so deeply flawed.

He wrote and shared his disapproval for the Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) curriculum we are proposing for our five middle schools. SEL instruction has been a part of our elementary curriculum (“Second Step”… the same program we are hoping to implement in our middle schools) for approximately three  years. It has been received very positively and I am not aware of a single complaint about the program although a handful of parents have “opted out” of this instructional opportunity.  This is their choice, of course, and is the same choice we intend to offer middle school parents.

I asked this gentleman to please share with me, specifically, which parts of the curriculum he was opposed to. He responded with several bulleted  points….many of the EXACT same points that others had shared (in other words, someone else wrote them and probably encouraged dissemination). While I disagreed with most of what was shared, one piece got my attention and I have not been able to let go of it. Here it is:

“SEL “empathy training” is from a liberal viewpoint and will teach everyone to respect/accept everyone’s ideas as equal. In order to champion diversity they will be taught to affirm everyone’s beliefs and avoid offending them. From this liberal worldview it would teach the kids to accept a boy wanting to be girl and a girl wanting to be a boy. Even to the point of changing in the same locker rooms and using the same bathrooms. Why? Because SEL will teach them to be affirming and accepting of everyone’s ideas and beliefs. Forcing people to believe that someone else’s ideas and beliefs are valid without a debate, without an argument, is an evil dictatorship not a free country. That would be like me telling you to vote no and forcing you to do so without any convincing explanation. ”

Hard to know where to begin, but I’ll take a stab at it. Empathy is not about “respecting/accepting everyone’s ideas as equal.” This is not what empathy is. Let’s consult Webster’s:

“…the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.” 

Empathy is about understanding the feelings of others and being sensitive to them whether or not we agree with them or not. It is also about showing compassion even if we share significant disagreement. Agreement is not required. In fact, agreement is not even mentioned within the curriculum (or within Webster’s), neither is the affirmation of any behavior or belief, only some degree of understanding and sensitivity. It is simply about helping students recognize that the people we come in contact with are often dealing with some really difficult stuff in their lives, often  things that we know nothing about.  The story of the Good Samaritan is an (almost) perfect example. A traveling Samaritan came across a Jew who had been robbed, beaten, and stripped of his clothing. The Samaritan showed compassion and provided medical attention, shelter, food, clothing, and even left some denarii with the inn keeper so the Jew could remain until well enough to travel.  Important to note that Samaritans and Jews were enemies who had many, many disagreements. The Samaritan, however, demonstrated empathy and compassion. Once Christ concluded the sharing of the parable he said of the Samaritan: “He who showed mercy on him.”…”Go and do likewise.”

So, we should not be teaching kids how to show empathy? Empathy is suddenly a bad thing? I actually agree that it is not the job of our schools to teach radical concepts like empathy and forgiveness. That is the job of the parent, but schools are certainly willing to help if they are allowed to.

Lastly, the mischaracterization of SEL as it pertains to helping kids be more empathic is, frankly, stomach turning. Moreover, if we adopt the same logic as presented, then we shouldn’t encourage kids to forgive either. Using the aforementioned logic, we would be indirectly demonstrating acceptance of “bad” behavior and even encouraging it. The fact is, we are directed to forgive, period. Not to accept, encourage, condone, or validate the behavior of others, but to forgive. I believe this is what Christ had in mind when He said:

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.”
Luke 6:37